Remembering Becky

Consider yourself warned - this may be a very odd post to read.

This week marks the anniversary of a life lost too soon. This type of anniversary is usually only remembered by close family and very close friends; highly unlikely someone like me tends to remember it but this one I do.

6 years ago this week, Becky Peterson was taken from her friends and her family way too soon. I have to admit, I had very little interaction with Becky before she died. My only real experience with her was at a 4th of July party when Becky poured her drink over Jason's head because he was getting mouthy. It made quite an impression.

I remember this anniversary not only for the life that was lost, but for the memory of the person she was. That may sound confusing, but to me it is not a time to mourn; I don't remember how she was taken, but I remember who Becky was. The kids still talk about their mom and I openly encourage it. I have been open with them from the beginning - I am not their mom - just a substitute. Or as a friend of mine calls it "mom #2". I love the relationship I have with the kids and I really hope Becky isn't offended when I call Bailley and Preston "mine."

I worry each day that I am doing right by her and raising her kids in a way she would approve. Believe it or not, I do have conversations with her - asking for advice and hoping I am doing things right. She was a rock star mom; one that I know I will never measure up to. All I can do is my best and let the chips fall where they will.

When Jason and I started dating he and I were very realistic about the situation. It wasn't just he and I-it was the kids, his family and Becky's family. I have a feeling some people would look at the situation and run, but I wouldn't have it any other way. True, it adds another level of complexity, but I love having this other family to share our lives with.

I never, in a million years, would have thought I would be a person to be involved with and marry a widower. I never expected to be an "insta-mom" either but what a fun experience it has been.  I never had "sisters" to call my own. I know Becky's family isn't "my" family but I am truly blessed to have them in my life.

Every year about this time, I start to reflect on who Becky was and who I am as a result of the kids and Jason letting me into their lives. I am a stronger person because of them. I now understand the words "busy" and "chaos" and smile when I think of how those words describe my family life -and I wouldn't want it any other way. Becky's family loves to tease Jason about how he married the same woman twice - to which I smile and take that as the ultimate compliment. She was a very inspirational person - she was a day care provider, a mom of two great kids, a single parent while her husband was overseas , an active member of her church family, the rock of her family and the wife who kept Jason in line (no small feat in itself!)  Becky was Becky - no other way to say it.

This week her family will gather to remember the accident that took her from this world well before it was her time. I'm still not 100% comfortable being part of the remembrance, but it is part of being in the family. From tragedy comes hope, peace and understanding. Not everyone may be at peace with what happened or completely understand the "why" of things; and we may never really know why. All I can do is help the kids to remember their mom the best I can and help raise them into the kind of people Becky would want them to be. And maybe try to keep Jason in line along the way.